And so it goes fellow Fat Bastards, mirabile dictu, Captain Q. had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy on the fateful day of November 25 of 2014. The gastrectomy was the culmination of approximately nine months of seeing registered dietitians, a psychologist, specialists in pulmonology, gastroenterology, and the main man himself the surgeon. The nine months of prep work and surgery were done through Cadence Health Bariatric Treatment Center at Central DuPage Hospital in Winfield, Illinois. Dr. Woodard of Associated General Surgeons performed a most excellent laparoscopic surgical intervention replete with DaVinci computer. Dr. Woodard’s comment to Q.’s spouse after surgery: “His stomach was huge.” Ha, Q. believes in getting value for money spent.
Getting informed is an understatement!
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A must-read!
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Read this!
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The last statement says it all…
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Start surgical options
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Too radical a surgery even for Captain. Be very, very, circumspect when choosing this procedure. Considered by many surgeons to be the Cadillac of weight loss procedures. Thank you very much, I’ll take the Jaguar if you please.
Must read…while unlikely, one of these complications could happen to you.
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****Choice of Champions and Captain Q.****
This is it! the Jaguar of weight loss procedures.
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Q. is learning the meaning of portion control and eating more slowly in earnest for the first time, he will be the first to tell you! If you try to swallow too fast or swallow too much at once a sharp pain across the chest or in the sleeve will ensue as well as gastric reflux. There is nothing like draconian negative feedback in real-time! This surgery is for the seriously minded weight reducers only: it is a lifelong commitment. Those who fail or try to cheat this radical approach to weight loss do have bats in the belfry and deserve to simmer in their rancid fat.
Gastric banding is falling out of favor with surgeons in the know, a complete waste, and money, with poor efficacy. Like buying a beater Ford is a name synonymous with ‘Fix or repair daily.
Why bother?
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A bill of goods!
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Further reading!
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Future editions of “The Fat Bastard Gazette” will look into bariatric chop shops, the cost of doing business legitimately / illegitimately, and the Good Captain’s continuing life-changing odyssey. In addition, do not forget the Captain’s ever erratic, maniacal fits of vitriol spewed upon fat clowns everywhere and anywhere in these august pages of record.
Cordially Yours,
Captain Quinlan and staff
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner, and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant PublisherDear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff WritersStaff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue-in-cheek jocularity.“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?” Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know who you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the backroom
“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.
No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.
"The Fat Bastard Gazette" 
“The Fat Bastard Gazette” is published every Thursday for your edification and enjoyment. Thank you for reading thefatbastardgazette@wordpress.com and thank you for your positive comment!
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