BARIATRIC SURGERY EDITION PART 3 “THE FAT BASTARD GAZETTE” VOL. 1 NO. 10


fat-man-with-hamburger-and-chips-on-dark-background-79384522Captain can only eat so much food at one time, having become a bariatric mutant. Q. needs all the protein he can get within reason. Rules of the road, after bariatric surgeries eat protein first, vegetables second, and lastly the starch; protein is needed to speed the healing process, “words of wisdom, Lloyd, words of wisdom” (The Shining). Q. has a nice long cut internally where his stomach used to be. Out of surgery only one month, Q. can only eat 4 ounces or less of solid food at a sitting; if he eats more than this, he gets a very bad sleeve ache with gastric reflux, this he experienced with one attempted lunch, very unpleasant indeed, the cost of doing business. Hence, the low-calorie counts. Q. is learning very quickly about the wages of sin in eating too many ounces, it really hurts, plenty of negative feedback in all this, which is actually a good thing. Nobody said this is going to be easy, but Q. is up for the challenge. Sit ludos incipe praemii aut poenae (So let the games of reward and punishment begin). A language so parochial is it not!

Edgar Small, Our Editor-in-Chief

Below is an informative and interesting article related to detoxing the liver while promoting weight loss. However, Q. and Staff are hard pressed to stop drinking coffee, soda (now flat soda after his surgery), and using Truvia™. Everybody needs a few vices to make the day more bearable.

Why are these soon to be hospitalized gigantesses smiling

How to Lose Belly Fat with Home Remedies

Last Updated: Aug 16, 2013 | By Linda Tarr Kent

There are many home remedies you can use to boost fat burn on your belly. Many of them will already be in your cupboard or refrigerator. The right foods can detox your liver and rev your metabolism, helping you to target belly fat. Belly fat is more than a cosmetic concern. It ups risk for a host of health conditions, including diabetes and heart disease. Consuming fat-burning foods and spices will put you well on your way to trading in that rubber tire in the middle for a sleek torso.

Step 1

Remove the things in your diet that stress your liver and lower your metabolism, and reduce your calorie intake. A stressed liver cannot properly metabolize fat, says nutritionist Ann Louise Gittleman, Ph.D., author of “The Fat Flush Plan.” Liver stressors include processed foods, too many carbohydrates in general, all forms of sugar, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, trans fats and soda. Cut 500 to 1,000 calories from your daily diet to lose 1 to 2 lbs. weekly, the safest and longest-lasting weight loss rate, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Step 2

Drink 100 percent cranberry juice or cran-water. Cranberries are high in organic acids that act as digestive enzymes. The enzymes work to gobble up little fatty deposits that get stuck in the lymphatics, Gittleman says. Mix a day’s supply of cran-water with 8 oz. unsweetened cranberry juice and 56 oz. of water.

Step 3

Consume your omega-3 fatty acids. These target tummy fat, Gittleman says. Fish oil is one great source. Take 6g, which is an overflowing tablespoon, or eat salmon or mackerel twice a week. Also chomp on chia. This ancient super seed is high in protein, is a good source of B vitamins, has calcium and is a high source of antioxidants.

Step 4

Get gamma linolenic acid (GLA) and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA) into your diet. GLA activates brown fat, often found in overweight people. Many people’s bodies don’t make GLA from its precursors-vegetable oils like safflower oil-so try a supplement. CLA aids the body in accessing and utilizing stored fat, particularly. This omega-6 fatty acid found in organic beef or can be taken as a supplement.

Step 5

Make monounsaturated fats another priority. MUFAs are omega-9 fatty acids that became important components of diet plans like the Flat Belly Diet following studies that show MUFAs rev body fat burn in the belly. MUFAs also are favored by the American Heart Association. The association recommends people replace trans and saturated fats with MUFAs. Cook with olive oil or try sunflower or safflower oil. Eat macadamia nuts, filberts, avocados and olives.

Step 6

Sip lemon or lime juice in hot water daily. These both invigorate the liver and help to liquefy fat, which aids in flushing it from your system more quickly. Getting enough water in general is important. Mild dehydration can cause your kidneys to call on your liver for help, reducing the liver’s ability to burn fat. This can lead to fat deposits, often in the belly.

Step 7

Detox gently by drinking dandelion tea. Add 200mg each of milk thistle and the Oregon grape root to further detox. These supplements are gentle enough to use every day, Gittleman says.

Step 8

Eat thermogenic spices to rev metabolism including cayenne and ginger. Consume cinnamon as well as cloves and cardamom to stabilize blood sugar.

LIVESTRONG.COM

If our Staff thinks this plan would be easy to follow so can you.

Cordially Yours,

Captain Quinlan and staff

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.

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BARIATRIC EDITION PART 2 “THE FAT BASTARD GAZETTE” VOL.1 NO. 9


rows of fruitcakesPoor benighted Tijuana fruitcakes, cheap surgeries, mediocre doctors and the Captain is being generous here, outré nurses, and who knows what filth and rodeo clowns were around the corner. All this to save a few dollars while taking an unacceptable chance with one’s life, lending credence to the old adage these Tijuana fruitcakes  must believe, ‘life is cheap’. Who are these people really, the Captain would like to know as well as his fellow travelers and have they ever heard of spell check and grammar check!

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“In the United States the lowest quote I got was $24,000.00 for the surgery and in Mexico,” [she] said. “I was getting quotes of $12,000.00 to $14,000.00 and I ended up paying $12,500.00.”

“But it was no bargain–since the April surgery she’s been to the emergency room three times. Larissa said she’s been told she needs surgery or she’ll slowly die.”

“I don’t have any more money, I don’t have insurance and [surgeons here] don’t want to take on somebody else’s mistakes.

The lesson that I want people to take away is this – you have to have money set aside for possible complications as well as the initial surgery. And if you have enough money for that – than why not get a competent US doctor (with US protections) in the first place? I feel like a complete fool. I gambled, and lost.”

She  cavalierly gambled with her life and is losing, doesn’t she know the house always wins. So now, the taxpayer has to pick up the tab for some Mexican butcher wielding a knife and fork at any gringo with no brains, a big belly,  and many American pesos.

The Captain shudders to think of all the flies in the operating room buzzing around her open wound in lovely Tijuana.

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“The morning at the airport meeting the driver was a clusterf*#k…. They allowed us to talk to Dr. Almanza about the surgery and we asked questions and he asked us if we had any prior abdominal surgeries. He used an interpreter but his English wasn’t bad…. All I remember about the surgery was seeing the anesthesiologist’s face and having my arms strapped down. I do not remember seeing Dr. Almanza after surgery either…. The room they tried to put me in had 4-5 beds all occupied from surgeries either the day before or whatever. There were also plastic surgery patients. They even had a bunk bed and I pity whoever tried to haul their butt up there after having surgery. There was a car alarm going off all day long and loud dogs barking. Rest was impossible. I will say that the staff was very friendly but not being able to have rest caused me to leave. I ended up staying at the Hotel Ticuan that night but please book a room in advance if you think you are going to stay there. It was almost completely booked solid! Although they say a reservation is not necessary, I think it certainly is if you don’t want to be left in the dark…. A couple of us who had surgery the same day left early. We got our drain tubes removed and left…. Some people it will be good for and some it will not. It is an individual choice…. The surgery itself seems positive though so keep your eyes wide open and wish you the best of luck!”

This from the Dr.’s web site:

About Dr. Mario Almanza

Dr. Almanza is the leading gastric sleeve surgeon in the world, and has performed more gastric sleeve procedures than any other surgeon in the world. Trust experience and get your weight loss surgery performed by Dr. Mario Almanza. Fill in the form on this page, and you will receive all the information to get started and book your surgery date with Dr. Almanza.

Well this duplicitous, south of the border chop shop chef certainly has a high opinion of himself.   According to the above clip all you have to do is fill in the forum,  put your money down and the renown back yard chef will go to work.  His dogs need to be feed too.

fruitcakeIs the above Tijuana fruitcake of a patient so oblivious to what he has written that he is so lucky to be alive and we presume well.  Where do these rock brained cretins crawl out from!

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“Almost echoes my experience to the tee from Dec 2010. You pay for what you get and this is certainly a cut rate surgery. My experience was just the same – tolerable but not the best.
Because of the armed robbery at the recovery house and some issues at the hospital from other patients I can no longer endorse this Dr or the “hospital”. There are alternatives that treat you better, however I have no direct experience with other sites to offer.”

The light bulb is on but only dimly lit.    Too late to be forewarned and  short a brick for a full load.

____________________________________________________________

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“I think a lot of us have had different experiences with our surgeries in Mexico than what we would have had in the US. I went to Mexico for the usual reason, my insurance would not cover my surgery. I put my call light on a total of once while I was a patient after my surgery. I was having quite a bit of pain, and wanted to know if I could get some pain medication. The nurse came in, grabbed the call light out of my hand and yelled “WHAT?” at me! I am a nurse and know, absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt, if I treated a patient like that, I might as well pack up my stuff and head for the front door. Hospitals in the United States do NOT tolerate attitude like that. But then I remember what I get paid working here in the states, and what nursing staff in Mexico get paid, and there is a SIGNIFICANT difference. The old saying “you get what you pay for” is true. My surgery was successful, but I paid a cut rate to have it done in Mexico, and I got cut rate service. I am happy, thrilled, and excited beyond words with the results I obtained from my VGS, but I know that the “niceties” that you receive here in the United States are not usually part of the hospital experience in Mexico….

If the facility where you are going to have your procedure done is JCAHO Internationally Certified, you can be assured that you are at least getting the minimum in safety standards.”

This Tijuana fruitcake RN is a disgrace to the profession. The Captain RN wouldn’t allow this cretin anywhere near his person.  Of all our contestants she wins the booby prize. Read between the lines dear fellow travelers and you discover this poor retch is clueless as to the life threatening imbecilic chances she took going south of the border!  Read what our fruitcake of the day has to say about her experience. She focuses on all the immediate incidentals highlighted above.  We would like to know if she has any thought as to her extended care now that she is alive

____________________________________________________________

_____**It has come to my attention that there is a man in Tijuana, Mexico that is posing as a physician, not a surgeon and no – he is not doing surgery he merely owns the clinic. This man is posing as a physician and he is not a physician. He has never been to medical school, he has no formal medical education. ANYONE that claims to be a physician or surgeon you should verify this through the Mexican Government. You need to obtain the license number of the physician and enter it to the following website. The true owner of the license will show up. There is absolutely no reason any licensed physician would deny you their license number, none!***

At least the lights are on and someone is home in this house, but sadly still bent on cut rate backyard surgery. The dogs must be fed!!

____________________________________________________________

Below  is a quick comparison between the cut rate, Third World Bariatric One Stop Chop Shop back yard care and safe, first rate, Tier 1 legitimate   Bariatric care .

EPSON001Click to enlarge

Below is a vetted WebMD article with legitimate sources! This is a must read: it is why  legitimate bariatric procedures cost so much more! 

Weight loss surgery is expensive. Typical costs can run from $20,000 to $25,000, according to the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases.

The price of your weight loss surgery will depend on several factors:

  • The type of surgery you’re having. Types of weight loss surgery include gastric bypass, adjustable gastric banding, vertical gastric banding (also called stomach stapling), sleeve gastrectomy, and biliopancreatic diversion. Each has a different fee.
  • Your surgeon’s fee. This will vary based on where you live, your surgeon’s expertise, and the procedure’s complexity.
  • The hospital you choose. Costs will vary and may include the operating and hospital rooms, among other fees.

Additional costs may include:

  • Anesthesiologist’s fee
  • Surgical assistant’s fee
  • Device fees
  • Consultant fees (if necessary)
  • Follow-up procedures (for the gastric band)

Will Health Insurance Pay?

If you have health insurance, read your policy carefully, and work closely with your insurer and your doctor to see what’s covered.

Most insurance companies recognize that people who are overweight and obese are more likely to get serious health conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. In fact, there’s plenty of evidence that bariatric surgery can improve or resolve up to 30 obesity-related conditions, according to the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery.

If you don’t have health insurance, you’ll likely have to pay the entire bill yourself. Some weight loss surgery centers can help you get a loan that you can repay over a number of years.

Getting Your Insurance to Pay for Weight Loss Surgery

Most major insurance companies will require:

  • Proof that surgery is medically necessary. Your surgeon can help provide your medical history and documentation of your weight-related health problems.
  • Participation in a physician-supervised diet program. You may be required to successfully complete a 6-month weight-loss program before approval is granted. Medicare does not require this 6-month program, but you may be encouraged to participate anyway. This type of diet program involves monthly visits to your bariatric surgeon’s office for 6 months. The insurance companies aren’t trying to find out if you can lose weight through dieting. In fact, most insurance companies require that the patient’s weight be stable during this time — with no up-and-down fluctuations — or you may be denied coverage. They want you to demonstrate over the 6 months prior to surgery that you can commit to lifestyle changes you’ll need to make forever after your weight loss surgery.
  • A psychological evaluation. This is to make sure that you understand weight loss surgery and the impact it will have on your lifestyle. The psychological evaluation also checks for untreated binge eating or any other psychological issues.
  • A nutritional evaluation. You will work one-on-one with a nutritionist to outline specific dietary changes and habits that need to be changed.

What Happens Next?

When you have completed these steps, the surgeon will send a pre authorization letter to your insurance company. The letter will outline your medical history and health problems related to your weight, and provide documentation that you have completed all requirements for approval.

The insurance company will then review your case. If you have symptoms of weight-related conditions, the company may request specific diagnostic tests, such as cardiac, pulmonary, or sleep apnea evaluations.

During this period, keep accurate notes of all communications between the insurance company and your surgeon. Keep copies of completed insurance forms, letters sent, and letters received.

What if Your Insurance Company Declines Coverage?

If your request is turned down, or if the insurance company agrees to pay only a small percentage of the cost, the door is not closed.

What if Your Insurance Company Declines Coverage? continued…

You can write a letter of appeal to the insurance company representative (such as a claims supervisor) who signed the denial. Before you appeal, make sure you understand your policy completely, and that it does not specifically exclude the weight loss surgery you want.

Also, make sure restrictions were not in place when you first began your contract with the health plan.

Your appeal letter should include:

  • An explanation why you feel the procedure should be covered
  • A request for a full explanation of why coverage is being denied (or paid at a reduced level)
  • A request for a copy of the specific statement — taken from the policy or benefits booklet — that explains why your coverage is limited or denied
  • A copy of the denial notification
  • A copy of your doctor’s pre authorization letter

You may find it helpful to send a copy of your appeal letter to your state’s insurance commissioner or the department of corporations if you are covered by an HMO plan. You can explain that you’re having trouble, and ask for assistance. Your bariatric surgeon can help you with your appeal.

Other Ways to Pay for Weight Loss Surgery

If you do not have health insurance, or if your insurer will not cover weight loss surgery, talk to your doctor and your surgeon about financing plans. Check on the interest rate, and make sure you are OK with all of the terms.

SOURCES:

Anita Courcoulas, MD, MPH, chief of minimally invasive bariatric and general surgery, University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

American Society of Plastic Surgeons: “Insurance Coverage: A Patient’s Guide.”

American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery: “Metabolic & Bariatric Surgery.”

WebMD Medical Reference: “Preparing for Weight Loss Surgery,” “Your Options in Weight Loss Surgery: Making the Choice.”

Reviewed by Kimball Johnson, MD on August 13, 2012

© 2014 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

Cordially Yours,

Captain Quinlan and staff

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.

BARIATRIC EDITION PART 1 “THE FAT BASTARD” VOL. 1 NO. 8


And so it goes fellow Fat Bastards, mirabile dictu, Captain Q. had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy on the fateful day of November 25 of 2014. The gastrectomy was the culmination of approximately nine months of seeing registered dietitians, a psychologist, specialists in pulmonology, gastroenterology and the main man himself the surgeon. The nine months of prep work and surgery was done through Cadence Health Bariatric Treatment Center at Central DuPage Hospital in Winfield, Illinois. Dr. Woodard of Associated General Surgeons preformed a most excellent laparoscopic surgical intervention replete with DaVinci computer. Dr. Woodard’s comment to Q.’s spouse after surgery: “His stomach was huge.” Ha, Q. believes in getting value for money spent.

Get informed is an understatement!

EPSON001  Click to enlarge

EPSON001   A must read!

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Read this!

EPSON003

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EPSON004The last statement says it all…

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EPSON001   Start surgical options

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Too radical a surgery even  for Captain.  Be very, very, circumspect when choosing this procedure.   Considered by many surgeons to be the Cadillac of weight loss procedures. Thank you very much, I’ll take the Jaguar if you please.

EPSON002     EPSON003

EPSON001Must read…while unlikely, one of these complications could happen to you.

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****Choice of Champions and Captain Q.****

This is it! the Jaguar of weight loss procedures.

EPSON004

EPSON005

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Q. is learning the meaning of portion control and eating more slowly in earnest for the first time, he will be the first to tell you! If you try to swallow too fast or swallow too much at once a sharp pain across the chest or in the sleeve will ensue  as well as gastric reflux.  There is nothing like draconian negative feedback in real time! This surgery is for the seriously minded weight reducers only: it is a lifelong commitment. Those who fail or try to cheat this radical approach to weight loss really do have bats in the belfry and deserve to simmer in their own rancid fat.

Gastric banding is falling out of favor with surgeons in the know, a complete waste and money, with poor efficacy. Like buying a beater Ford a name synonymous with ‘Fix or repair daily’.

EPSON007 Why bother?

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EPSON006   A bill of goods!

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EPSON001   Further reading!

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Future editions of “The Fat Bastard Gazette” will look into bariatric chop shops, cost of doing business legitimately / illegitimately, and the Good Captain’s continuing life-changing odyssey. In addition, do not forget the Captain’s ever erratic, maniacal fits of vitriol spewed upon fat clowns everywhere and anywhere in these august pages of record.

Cordially Yours,

Captain Quinlan and staff

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.

HOLIDAY EDITION THE FAT BASTARD GAZETTE VOL.1 NO.7



Thanksgiving is over eh you already morbidly oversized, porcine, fat bellied sows and boars. What do you have to show for it? an extra five, ten, fifteen pounds or more on those already straining joints, heart arrhythmias, spikes in blood sugar levels, further increases in blood cholesterol and triglyceride levels, and let us not forget those dangerous deep vein blood clots lurking in your legs just waiting to break off and cause a lethal pulmonary embolism. Life is great is it not you miserable overfed cretins! In addition, more holidays are fast on the near horizon, yes, bottom feeders. Let us all chant the mantra; Food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink, come on every one of you, fat bellied sows and boars, food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink We must have food and drink food and drink. Does not the thought behind the simpleton refrain make one nauseous? It makes the staff at “Fat Bastard” want to bend over and vomit on the page!

Below for all you Ph.Ds. is the simplest, most obvious, healthful,food plan, available to all, short of a pure liquid diet which many of you are heading for if you insist on pursuing a slow death of gluttony and debauchery. It even has pictures for the functional illiterates among you.

CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE FINE PRINT

· Recommended plate size is 10 inches

· Enjoy fruit and/or dairy with your meal or save as a  snack  throughout the day

· Choose whole fruits over juice

· Aim for a variety of colors of fruits and vegetables

· Choose whole grain rice, pasta, cereals and breads

· Enjoy  healthy fats such as olive oil or canola oil in small amounts

· Choose healthy cooking methods such as baking, broiling or grilling

CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE FINE PRINT

Can it be any more obvious than this, as to why so many of us walk around with pendulous bellies, tree trunk thighs, and no neck!

HO, HO, HO!

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.