fat-man-with-hamburger-and-chips-on-dark-background-79384522Captain can only eat so much food at one time, having become a bariatric mutant. Q. needs all the protein he can get within reason. Rules of the road, after bariatric surgeries eat protein first, vegetables second, and lastly the starch; protein is needed to speed the healing process, “words of wisdom, Lloyd, words of wisdom” (The Shining). Q. has a nice long cut internally where his stomach used to be. Out of surgery only one month, Q. can only eat 4 ounces or less of solid food at a sitting; if he eats more than this, he gets a very bad sleeve ache with gastric reflux, this he experienced with one attempted lunch, very unpleasant indeed, the cost of doing business. Hence, the low-calorie counts. Q. is learning very quickly about the wages of sin in eating too many ounces, it really hurts, plenty of negative feedback in all this, which is actually a good thing. Nobody said this is going to be easy, but Q. is up for the challenge. Sit ludos incipe praemii aut poenae (So let the games of reward and punishment begin). A language so parochial is it not!

Edgar Small, Our Editor-in-Chief

Below is an informative and interesting article related to detoxing the liver while promoting weight loss. However, Q. and Staff are hard pressed to stop drinking coffee, soda (now flat soda after his surgery), and using Truvia™. Everybody needs a few vices to make the day more bearable.

Why are these soon to be hospitalized gigantesses smiling

How to Lose Belly Fat with Home Remedies

Last Updated: Aug 16, 2013 | By Linda Tarr Kent

There are many home remedies you can use to boost fat burn on your belly. Many of them will already be in your cupboard or refrigerator. The right foods can detox your liver and rev your metabolism, helping you to target belly fat. Belly fat is more than a cosmetic concern. It ups risk for a host of health conditions, including diabetes and heart disease. Consuming fat-burning foods and spices will put you well on your way to trading in that rubber tire in the middle for a sleek torso.

Step 1

Remove the things in your diet that stress your liver and lower your metabolism, and reduce your calorie intake. A stressed liver cannot properly metabolize fat, says nutritionist Ann Louise Gittleman, Ph.D., author of “The Fat Flush Plan.” Liver stressors include processed foods, too many carbohydrates in general, all forms of sugar, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, trans fats and soda. Cut 500 to 1,000 calories from your daily diet to lose 1 to 2 lbs. weekly, the safest and longest-lasting weight loss rate, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Step 2

Drink 100 percent cranberry juice or cran-water. Cranberries are high in organic acids that act as digestive enzymes. The enzymes work to gobble up little fatty deposits that get stuck in the lymphatics, Gittleman says. Mix a day’s supply of cran-water with 8 oz. unsweetened cranberry juice and 56 oz. of water.

Step 3

Consume your omega-3 fatty acids. These target tummy fat, Gittleman says. Fish oil is one great source. Take 6g, which is an overflowing tablespoon, or eat salmon or mackerel twice a week. Also chomp on chia. This ancient super seed is high in protein, is a good source of B vitamins, has calcium and is a high source of antioxidants.

Step 4

Get gamma linolenic acid (GLA) and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA) into your diet. GLA activates brown fat, often found in overweight people. Many people’s bodies don’t make GLA from its precursors-vegetable oils like safflower oil-so try a supplement. CLA aids the body in accessing and utilizing stored fat, particularly. This omega-6 fatty acid found in organic beef or can be taken as a supplement.

Step 5

Make monounsaturated fats another priority. MUFAs are omega-9 fatty acids that became important components of diet plans like the Flat Belly Diet following studies that show MUFAs rev body fat burn in the belly. MUFAs also are favored by the American Heart Association. The association recommends people replace trans and saturated fats with MUFAs. Cook with olive oil or try sunflower or safflower oil. Eat macadamia nuts, filberts, avocados and olives.

Step 6

Sip lemon or lime juice in hot water daily. These both invigorate the liver and help to liquefy fat, which aids in flushing it from your system more quickly. Getting enough water in general is important. Mild dehydration can cause your kidneys to call on your liver for help, reducing the liver’s ability to burn fat. This can lead to fat deposits, often in the belly.

Step 7

Detox gently by drinking dandelion tea. Add 200mg each of milk thistle and the Oregon grape root to further detox. These supplements are gentle enough to use every day, Gittleman says.

Step 8

Eat thermogenic spices to rev metabolism including cayenne and ginger. Consume cinnamon as well as cloves and cardamom to stabilize blood sugar.


If our Staff thinks this plan would be easy to follow so can you.

Cordially Yours,

Captain Quinlan and staff

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.

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