HOLIDAY EDITION THE FAT BASTARD GAZETTE VOL.1 NO.7



Thanksgiving is over eh you already morbidly oversized, porcine, fat bellied sows and boars. What do you have to show for it? an extra five, ten, fifteen pounds or more on those already straining joints, heart arrhythmias, spikes in blood sugar levels, further increases in blood cholesterol and triglyceride levels, and let us not forget those dangerous deep vein blood clots lurking in your legs just waiting to break off and cause a lethal pulmonary embolism. Life is great is it not you miserable overfed cretins! In addition, more holidays are fast on the near horizon, yes, bottom feeders. Let us all chant the mantra; Food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink, come on every one of you, fat bellied sows and boars, food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink food and drink We must have food and drink food and drink. Does not the thought behind the simpleton refrain make one nauseous? It makes the staff at “Fat Bastard” want to bend over and vomit on the page!

Below for all you Ph.Ds. is the simplest, most obvious, healthful,food plan, available to all, short of a pure liquid diet which many of you are heading for if you insist on pursuing a slow death of gluttony and debauchery. It even has pictures for the functional illiterates among you.

CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE FINE PRINT

· Recommended plate size is 10 inches

· Enjoy fruit and/or dairy with your meal or save as a  snack  throughout the day

· Choose whole fruits over juice

· Aim for a variety of colors of fruits and vegetables

· Choose whole grain rice, pasta, cereals and breads

· Enjoy  healthy fats such as olive oil or canola oil in small amounts

· Choose healthy cooking methods such as baking, broiling or grilling

CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE FINE PRINT

Can it be any more obvious than this, as to why so many of us walk around with pendulous bellies, tree trunk thighs, and no neck!

HO, HO, HO!

Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.

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