Good news! there are now two new clothing outlets for ‘the obesity challenged’ coming to a run down strip mall near you.
“PORKY, TALL, OR PUNY FOR
RAGS THAT LOOK 10 YRS. OUT OF DATE,
BUT COVER ANY POOR SLOB’S SORRY
FAT, OR PRUNISH OL’ ASS.
“ROTUND, TALL, OR SQUAT
EXPENSIVELY CHEAP LOOKING
RAGS FOR THE WORKING
PORCINE DREG AND
MONIED DREG ALIKE.
Dear readers the captain has fallen from grace. He has paid obeisance to the Beelzebub of fatties and fatsos everywhere. Who or what is it? It is the refrigerator! What is inside the refrigerator? all kinds of tempestuous food. The Good Captain could not control himself, gobbling morsel after morsel of anything and everything he could lay his hands. Cottage cheese, other types of cheeses, fruits, bread, saltines, nuts, tuna fish, tomatoes, and other assorted foods he forgets the name. This proves the saying; our feet are made of clay. Captain may have fallen out of the saddle, but he will dust himself of and get right back up in the saddle again,Red Riders! Without a strong will and determination, any attempt at weight loss is futile. This is a game of all or nothing. As the old cliché goes, “In for a penny in for a pound.” There are no excuses accepted in these matters.
Do You Believe this!
Extraordinary taxes should be justly levied on all the truculent,strident, Fat Activists that put undue stress on health insurance premiums, and public aid allotments. Extra fees for the unrepentant morbidly obese that take up extra seats and contribute to excessive fuel consumption are completely in line concerning public transportation. No wide seats should be installed in any public or medical waiting rooms (e.g. doctors’ offices), let the recalcitrant obese stand and force them to think about their self-inflicted malady. Being fat and proud should have more than negative health consequences. Social ostracism as well as monetary penalties should be encouraged not discouraged as politically incorrect. Without actively enforced punitive measures, the fat epidemic will continue to rise. Let us disabuse ourselves of any accommodation for the Fat Activists. Almost without exception, theunrepentant, obdurate morbidly obese did it to themselves practicing three of the seven deadly sins, sloth, gluttony and pride.
Captain Quinlan et al.
Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and
Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the
“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.
All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?” Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room
“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.
No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.