VOL. 1 NO. 3 THE FAT BASTARD EARLY EDITION


 

Secular Patron Saint Against Censorship George Orwell
Secular Patron Saint Against Censorship George Orwell

 

Those miscreants at MFP have censored Dear Readers The Good Captain for the second time and last time. The MFP staff and their obsequious, servile toadies should really find some productive work! So there, The Good Captain shall say no more. Enough said.

Ex reigning Pope Benedict XVI
Ex reigning Pope Benedict XVI

 

 

 

Moreover, while The Captain is having a good rant he would like to ask the question;” what happened to Gregorian chant?”  He was at Mass today listening to the songs sung in the English vernacular, ugh. The Captain’s guess is that the main man at the big V, the Cardinals, the Bishops, and the Priests, did not have too much on their plate that day. They decided to change the Liturgy, and that is that.

Reigning Pope Francis I
Reigning Pope Francis I

 

At left is our new Pope.  I am   Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, 76, of Argentina your new Pope; you know The Big Man on Campus. I make a mean grilled steak shish kabob and marinade. I want to have you all over to the Big V very soon for a cookout. It will be a BYOB party, I’ll supply wine! I can afford it. As for my credentials, I’m an excellent point man. I can PR with the best of them. I have a winning personality and a great smile. The usual not much will be done during my papacy, but I promise you we will have a grand time. And as for Opus Dei,  the College of Cardinals, Canon Law, matters Ex Cathedra, and all things Big V especially the Bank and those Oh, So Naughty, Priests; do not fear Pope St. Francis I is here.”

Coat Of Arms during Saint John XXII's reign
Coat Of Arms during Saint John XXIII’s       reign
Saint John XXIII - 1959 The most influential and kindhearted Pope since Saint Peter himself.
Saint John XXIII – 1959
The most influential and kindhearted Pope since Saint Peter himself.

Verily, a Most Saintly Man

Verily, A Most Holy and Saintly Man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And onto ’Why so fat;’ what can our good College of Cardinals learn about health, artificial sweeteners, and diet soda? Frankly, The Good Captain really does not know.  What The Good Captain does know is after reading the two articles below Captain and his readers will be more informed.  The captain for one drinks six cans of diet soda a day along with 10 cups of coffee.  All this artificial sweetener and caffeine has not affected the good captain’s organs one bit.  It certainly gets him wired but that’s what it takes to get him going.  The captain is a true caffeine addict.  Captain has no difficulties with any type of Chemical Food or drink.  After all we are all mutants of one type or another and to think anything else is just plain tomfoolery.  The captain grew up in the 1950s and the motto then was  “Better Things for Better Living…Through Chemistry.” (DuPont adopted it in 1935 and it was their slogan until 1982). Enough said.

 

 

 

Are Artificial Sweeteners Safe?

Taken From WebMD

WebMD gets the low down on artificial sweeteners on the shelves and in the pipeline.

By Denise Mann
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

WebMD Archive

The way artificial sweeteners were discovered could have been a scene out of the classic comedy The Nutty Professor.

In 1879, Ira Remsen, a researcher from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Md., noticed that a derivative of coal tar he accidentally spilled on his hand tasted sweet. While he did not morph into the slim, but obnoxious Buddy Love as the characters played by Eddie Murphy and Jerry Lewis did in their film versions of the comedy, his spill set the stage for the development of saccharin — an artificial sweetener known today too many seasoned dieters as Sweet-n-Low. This is now the most recognized name brand of the saccharin-based sugar substitutes.

Now more than 125 years later, saccharin is joined by a growing list of artificial sweeteners with varying chemical structures and uses including acesulfame potassium (Sunett); aspartame (NutraSweet or Equal); sucralose (Splenda), and D-Tagatose (Sugaree). And there’s a whole host of new ones on the horizon.

These products substitute for sugar. For example, they can replace corn syrup, used in many sodas and sweetened drinks, and table sugars. However, the sweet remains in anything and everything from chocolate and ketchup to gum, ice cream, and soft drinks. But are artificial sweeteners safe? Can they help people shed extra weight? What role should they play in person’s diet — if any?

Here’s what WebMD found out:

Artificial sweeteners, also called sugar substitutes, are compounds that offer the sweetness of sugar without the same calories. They are anywhere from 30 to 8,000 times sweeter than sugar and as a result, they have much fewer calories than foods made with table sugar (sucrose). Each gram of refined table sugar contains 4 calories. Many sugar substitutes have zero calories per gram.

“Artificial sweeteners can serve a definite purpose in weight loss and diabetes control,” says New York City-based nutritionist Phyllis Roxland. “It enables people that are either carb-, sugar-, or calorie-conscious to take in a wider range of foods that they would either not be allowed to eat or could only eat in such teeny amounts that they were not satisfying.” Roxland routinely counsels patients in the offices of Howard Shapiro, MD, a weight loss specialist and author of Picture Perfect Prescription.

In other words, artificial sweeteners allow people to stick to a good diet for a longer period of time, she says. In a diet, artificial sweeteners are considered “free foods.” The sugar substitutes don’t count as a carbohydrate, a fat, or any other exchange.

“These products can be useful when used appropriately for people like diabetics who need to control their sugar intake and in overweight people,” agrees Ruth Kava, PhD, RD, director of nutrition for the American Council on Science and Health (ACSH) in New York City.

 

 

Weight Loss & Diet Plans

By Matt McMillen 
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD, MPH

July 31, 2014 — When you’re trying to lose weight or keep off extra pounds, can diet soda help? While it has fewer calories than regular soda, some studies show it fuels your sweet tooth.

Also, are artificially sweetened sodas good for your health? Several studies this year continue the debate.

Better Than Water?

In late May, the journal Obesity published a study that aimed to determine what makes a bigger difference when attempting to shed pounds: water or diet soda? The researchers found that, on average, people who drank diet soda over the course of the 12-week study lost about 13 pounds, which was 4.5 pounds more than those who had switched to water. The diet-beverage drinkers also said they felt less hungry than those who drank water.

Lead researcher James Hill, MD, says his study’s results will ease the minds of diet soda drinkers who worry that it may derail their weight loss efforts, as some studies and media reports have suggested.

“The results make me confident that, at least when it comes to weight, it [diet soda] is OK,” says Hill, a professor of pediatrics and medicine and an obesity specialist at the University of Colorado, Denver.  “It’s one less thing people have to worry about, and they have to worry about so much when it comes to weight loss.”

The study was funded by the American Beverage Association, and for some, that raises the question of bias in favor of no-cal sodas.

Michael Goran, MD, says the study outcomes were solid and the research findings were significant. “But industry-funded studies always send up a red flag,” he says. Goran is a professor of preventive medicine, physiology and biophysics, and pediatrics, as well as director of the Childhood Obesity Research Center, at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine.

Hill says the study was thoroughly vetted by a peer-review process prior to publication. “If you’re worried about industry-funded research, look at the study with a very fine-toothed comb,” he says, “but, at the end of the day, evaluate the science.”

Counting Calories

Earlier this year, in January, researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health reported that overweight and obese people who drink diet sodas tend to eat more calories during meals and from snacks throughout the day than those who drink sugary beverages, including regular soda. In adults with a healthy weight, the opposite was true: Those who drank sweetened beverages ate more than those who drank diet sodas.

Contrast this with a study published last year in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. It compared people who were randomly selected to swap their regular sodas for either water or diet drinks. The researchers found that both groups ate fewer calories and “showed positive changes in dietary patterns.” In fact, the diet-drink group ate fewer desserts by the end of the study than the water group, while the water group ate more fruits and vegetables.

“Diet beverages have been shown to be an effective tool as part of an overall weight-management plan,” the American Beverage Association says. “Numerous studies have repeatedly demonstrated the benefits of diet beverages – as well as low-calorie sweeteners, which are in thousands of foods and beverages – in helping to reduce calorie intake. Losing or maintaining weight comes down to balancing the total calories consumed with those burned through physical activity.”

So, do diet drinks ease the urge for other sweets? Goran believes the opposite may be true. He worries that no matter what sweetener is used — sugar or a substitute — the result may be a continued demand for more sweets.

“As a society, we have created a new norm of sweetness,” Goran says. “We’ve become accustomed to high levels of sweetness.”

By continuing to drink diet sodas, he speculates, “you still desire sweetness. You haven’t disentangled yourself from craving something sweet.”

Hill counters that the sweetness in diet soda may work to your advantage.

“People like a sweet taste, and if you take it away from beverages, then they’ll probably consume more sweet calories from food,” he says. “But that’s just a speculation.”

As a pediatrician, Goran’s particularly concerned about artificial sweeteners. He says we don’t yet know what long-term effects they may have on children’s development. Other studies also raise concerns.

Findings presented at a March meeting of the American College of Cardiology suggest a link between drinking diet soda and a greater risk of heart attack among otherwise healthy, postmenopausal women. The researchers are quick to point out, though, that they can’t explain the relationship and more study is needed.

Finally, a study in the journal General Dentistry from May of last year contends that drinking a lot of soda — both diet and regular — can severely damage teeth. But in this case, it’s not the sweetener that’s the culprit. The acid in the soda, coupled with bad oral hygiene, caused the decay.

To Drink or Not to Drink Diet Soda?

Goran says diet soda may be a good first step in the weight loss process, if you already drink a lot of regular soda or other sugary drinks. Dietician Joan Salge Blake, RD, LDN, agrees.

“They don’t cause weight gain, but we don’t know yet if they really help with weight loss,” says Blake, who’s a clinical associate professor of nutrition at Boston University. “They can be a part of a weight loss program, but they are not going to magically help you lose weight.”

Goran and Blake advise soda drinkers to gradually move away from sweetened beverages altogether. Blake recommends naturally flavored, no-calorie fizzy water. Goran says his kids like their lemonade heavily watered down with seltzer.

“Ultimately,” Goran says, “it’s probably healthier not to drink sweetened beverages.”

 

 

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.  

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.  

                                                                                                                                                                                          Cordially Yours,                                                                                       Captain Q.

 

 

 

 

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