Wal*Fart  Greeter















What a mélange of beautiful people. You just want to go right up to them and give them a big  smack on the behind or bounce off their belly. How many toilets and chairs cracked under the pressure of all those XXXXL buttocks.The amusement park just gets bigger and bigger at  Wal*Fart.

Below is an excellent and succinct article mirroring  The Good Captain’s thoughts.   Captain wants readers to understand when he cries fie, fie on fatties and fatsos he is excluding individuals with a genetic mutation or physical handicaps that cause uncontrollable weight gain. This number is very, very small, in proportion to individuals who indulge uncontrollably creating their own illness. The captain does not believe, as the author seems to, that morbid obesity and alcoholism for that matter, is in and of itself a psychological or physical condition other than a genetic variation,causing a predisposition to these aforementioned conditions. This would allow all fatties and fatsos to disclaim any responsibility for their own injudicious actions. The Captain does most heartily agree however with the rest of the medical community in disdaining and shaming the people who have allowed themselves to become so incapacitated. Remember the Captain was an RN in a step down unit before retirement, and had to deal with a lot of these degenerates. Why degenerates you ask? The captain shall tell you. These people at either ate or drank themselves into a stupor and no longer can function at a higher physical level. Therefore, they go on disability and into a nursing home or take to the streets. These people become a drain on tax revenue resources, physical resources, and labor to take care of them. So, what is to be done? That is a very good question.

Morbid Obesity Related Prejudice in the Medical Community

morbid obesity, obesity,

While most care-givers in the medical community are trained to treat their patients with compassion regardless of socioeconomic status, education, sex, religion, or age, one kind of prejudice that may still require addressing is that relating to morbidly obese patients. With obesity and morbid obesity posing an ever-more burgeoning problem in the United States, it is especially important that the medical community overcomes this prejudice so that patients can feel comfortable going to hospitals and other health-care facilities to discuss their health with the people that stand to benefit them the most.

Morbid obesity can be defined in a number of ways. Some consider morbid obesity as having a Body Mass Index score (the quotient of one’s weight in kilograms divided by the square of one’s height in centimeters) of over 40 or more. Others consider 35 to be the cut-off BMI score if a person is also experiencing obesity-related health conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure. Still others define morbid obesity as weighing 100 pounds heavier that one’s ideal body weight.

People with morbid obesity are likely to face ridicule and discrimination because of their bodies. Many people view morbid obesity as the product of poor personal decisions and/or character flaws. Both judgmental and well-meaning individuals may cause feelings of shame or rejection in a morbidly obese person. In some cases the worst abuses come from loved ones.

Research into the attitudes of members of the medical community found that the healthcare environment is not immune to issues of discrimination and prejudice against patients with morbid obesity. One study published in the journal Obesity Surgery concluded that  “the morbidly obese continue to be a forgotten and often mistreated segment of society.”

To begin, many hospitals do not stock equipment capable of servicing morbidly obese patients. Such items include extra large hospital gowns, sturdier chairs and examination tables, and even adequate medical equipment such as over-sized sphygmomanometer cuffs for taking blood pressure.

A survey of 100 third-year medical students revealed that their attitudes towards morbidly obese patients were nearly uniformly negative. Students reported impressions of the morbidly obese as being “unpleasant,” “difficult to manage,” “ugly,” and “having a lack of self-control.” Only in evaluations of honesty were the morbidly obese seen as being equal to people of normal weight or people with moderate obesity. Furthermore, even after completing an educational clerkship that involved working closely with morbidly obese patients, the medical student’s opinions of the morbidly obese did not improve. To the contrary, many of them indicated that the morbidly obese were more “difficult to manage” than they had originally anticipated.

Negative attitudes towards the morbidly obese can result in actions or lack of action that may greatly impact a patient’s health. For instance, when presented with otherwise identical patient histories, psychologists ascribed more mental health pathologies to patients that were obese than to patients of normal weight. The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) also reports that doctors spend less time with obese patients, spend less time discussing patient options, and are reluctant to perform health screening procedures such as pelvic exams and cancer screenings.

Can these negative attitudes towards the morbidly obese be amended? A study from 1979 suggests that perhaps one of the best ways for an individual to build empathy and compassion towards the obese is to have one’s own successful experience with weight reduction. In addition there is hope that if issues of obesity were framed as an addiction or compulsive disorder similar to alcoholism, the medical community would be less judgmental of the morbidly obese. Though further research into this matter is necessary, it is vitally important that the medical community learn to embrace patients of all shapes and sizes as needing compassionate care for the promotion of health and wellness.

By Sarah Takushi


American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 

Highland Hospital


National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

National Institute of Health

Obesity Research Review

Obesity Surgery



Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon
Captain Hank Quinlan, Owner and Publisher, Chief Curmudgeon with Sam Borsalino, Assistant Publisher

Dear Hail-Fellows well met, “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is written and edited by your favorite curmudgeons Captain Hank Quinlan and

Flatfoot  Willie, Corespondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers
Flatfoot Willie, Correspondent at Large with fellow Staff Writers

Staff (monkeys in the back room). We offer an ongoing tirade to support or offend anyone of any large dimension, cultural background, religious affiliation, or color of skin. This gazette rails against an eclectic mix of circus ring ne’er do wells, big ring fatty and fatso whiners, congenital idiots, the usual motley assortment of the profoundly dumbfounded, and a favorite of intelligent men everywhere, the

May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .
May the Most Venerable H. L. Mencken bless our unworthy but earnest attempts at tongue in cheek jocularity .

“Great Booboisie.” Nor shall we ignore the wide assortment of shirkers, layabouts, and slugabeds.

Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.
Latest office staff confab at Fat Bastard HQ.

All this and more always keeping our major focus on “Why so fat?”  Enough said? We at “The Fat Bastard Gazette” think so. If you like what you read, and you know whom you are, in this yellow blog, tell your friends. We would be elated with an ever-wider readership. We remain cordially yours, Captain Hank Quinlan and the Monkeys in the back room

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public. 

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.




Cordially Yours,                                                                                       Captain Q.

















































































Strange issue number 3. Well it is over and done and that’s that. We     press on regardless toward improved things to come with number 4, but dear readers there are no guarantees ‘in this best of all possible worlds.’ So once again, the captain implores you readers to get the word out to friends, relatives, strangers, and most importantly, not so friendly friends. Remember this gazette is the best time waster of any other blog site anywhere and anytime; we do not shy away from sordide interminatis (i.e. disgustingly endless) self-promotion. Perge legentibus (i.e. onward readers)!

Tony Accardo: a very naughty,nasty,fashion forward,bad man. He was probably a Latinist!

The Good Captain very recently joined “The Royal Order of Middle Age Fat Men” a most august organization.

Most Royal, Exalted, High Poobah, The August downsizinghoss

This organization will rival the Masons in quick time. The fragrant perfume of wafting flatulence, inexcusable belching, and the pungent scent of acrid testosterone all make for one heady elixir to calm the most savage middle age Fat Bastard amongst the group.

Our Gazette namesake. He approves most heartily of "The Royal Order..."
Our Gazette namesake, Fat Bastard. He approves most heartily of “The Royal Order…”

Captain hears a rumor that all Fat Men will receive especially made toddler taxis to ride around in at all local Festive events. Make way Shriners! Macys’ Thanksgiving Day Parade and NBC here we come!

Happy Days! Modified Wide Body Toddler Taxis To Be Issued To All Fat Men of The Royal Order!

Have you wet your pants enthralled at the prospect of joining “The Royal Order of Fat Men?” Captain Quinlan did; and the rest of the staff? They were furiously typing my fitness and becoming a member. They then went to groups and found “The Royal Order of Fat Men.” “The Royal Order…” has no secret handshakes, no peeing contests, no secret incantations, or gestures, just a place for middle age fat men to grunt and groan.

 In the words of the illustrious Fat Bastard,

“Of course I’m not happy! Look at me, I’m a big fat slob. I’ve got bigger titties than you do. I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I’ve not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.”

So join us won’t you.You’re Good Captain certainly did. You be Happy!


Cordially Yours,

Captain Q. et al.






  No similarities        to  any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We  reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any  sacred totem across the globe.



Secular Patron Saint Against Censorship George Orwell
Secular Patron Saint Against Censorship George Orwell


Those miscreants at MFP have censored Dear Readers The Good Captain for the second time and last time. The MFP staff and their obsequious, servile toadies should really find some productive work! So there, The Good Captain shall say no more. Enough said.

Ex reigning Pope Benedict XVI
Ex reigning Pope Benedict XVI




Moreover, while The Captain is having a good rant he would like to ask the question;” what happened to Gregorian chant?”  He was at Mass today listening to the songs sung in the English vernacular, ugh. The Captain’s guess is that the main man at the big V, the Cardinals, the Bishops, and the Priests, did not have too much on their plate that day. They decided to change the Liturgy, and that is that.

Reigning Pope Francis I
Reigning Pope Francis I


At left is our new Pope.  I am   Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, 76, of Argentina your new Pope; you know The Big Man on Campus. I make a mean grilled steak shish kabob and marinade. I want to have you all over to the Big V very soon for a cookout. It will be a BYOB party, I’ll supply wine! I can afford it. As for my credentials, I’m an excellent point man. I can PR with the best of them. I have a winning personality and a great smile. The usual not much will be done during my papacy, but I promise you we will have a grand time. And as for Opus Dei,  the College of Cardinals, Canon Law, matters Ex Cathedra, and all things Big V especially the Bank and those Oh, So Naughty, Priests; do not fear Pope St. Francis I is here.”

Coat Of Arms during Saint John XXII's reign
Coat Of Arms during Saint John XXIII’s       reign
Saint John XXIII - 1959 The most influential and kindhearted Pope since Saint Peter himself.
Saint John XXIII – 1959
The most influential and kindhearted Pope since Saint Peter himself.

Verily, a Most Saintly Man

Verily, A Most Holy and Saintly Man.









And onto ’Why so fat;’ what can our good College of Cardinals learn about health, artificial sweeteners, and diet soda? Frankly, The Good Captain really does not know.  What The Good Captain does know is after reading the two articles below Captain and his readers will be more informed.  The captain for one drinks six cans of diet soda a day along with 10 cups of coffee.  All this artificial sweetener and caffeine has not affected the good captain’s organs one bit.  It certainly gets him wired but that’s what it takes to get him going.  The captain is a true caffeine addict.  Captain has no difficulties with any type of Chemical Food or drink.  After all we are all mutants of one type or another and to think anything else is just plain tomfoolery.  The captain grew up in the 1950s and the motto then was  “Better Things for Better Living…Through Chemistry.” (DuPont adopted it in 1935 and it was their slogan until 1982). Enough said.




Are Artificial Sweeteners Safe?

Taken From WebMD

WebMD gets the low down on artificial sweeteners on the shelves and in the pipeline.

By Denise Mann
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

WebMD Archive

The way artificial sweeteners were discovered could have been a scene out of the classic comedy The Nutty Professor.

In 1879, Ira Remsen, a researcher from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Md., noticed that a derivative of coal tar he accidentally spilled on his hand tasted sweet. While he did not morph into the slim, but obnoxious Buddy Love as the characters played by Eddie Murphy and Jerry Lewis did in their film versions of the comedy, his spill set the stage for the development of saccharin — an artificial sweetener known today too many seasoned dieters as Sweet-n-Low. This is now the most recognized name brand of the saccharin-based sugar substitutes.

Now more than 125 years later, saccharin is joined by a growing list of artificial sweeteners with varying chemical structures and uses including acesulfame potassium (Sunett); aspartame (NutraSweet or Equal); sucralose (Splenda), and D-Tagatose (Sugaree). And there’s a whole host of new ones on the horizon.

These products substitute for sugar. For example, they can replace corn syrup, used in many sodas and sweetened drinks, and table sugars. However, the sweet remains in anything and everything from chocolate and ketchup to gum, ice cream, and soft drinks. But are artificial sweeteners safe? Can they help people shed extra weight? What role should they play in person’s diet — if any?

Here’s what WebMD found out:

Artificial sweeteners, also called sugar substitutes, are compounds that offer the sweetness of sugar without the same calories. They are anywhere from 30 to 8,000 times sweeter than sugar and as a result, they have much fewer calories than foods made with table sugar (sucrose). Each gram of refined table sugar contains 4 calories. Many sugar substitutes have zero calories per gram.

“Artificial sweeteners can serve a definite purpose in weight loss and diabetes control,” says New York City-based nutritionist Phyllis Roxland. “It enables people that are either carb-, sugar-, or calorie-conscious to take in a wider range of foods that they would either not be allowed to eat or could only eat in such teeny amounts that they were not satisfying.” Roxland routinely counsels patients in the offices of Howard Shapiro, MD, a weight loss specialist and author of Picture Perfect Prescription.

In other words, artificial sweeteners allow people to stick to a good diet for a longer period of time, she says. In a diet, artificial sweeteners are considered “free foods.” The sugar substitutes don’t count as a carbohydrate, a fat, or any other exchange.

“These products can be useful when used appropriately for people like diabetics who need to control their sugar intake and in overweight people,” agrees Ruth Kava, PhD, RD, director of nutrition for the American Council on Science and Health (ACSH) in New York City.



Weight Loss & Diet Plans

By Matt McMillen 
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD, MPH

July 31, 2014 — When you’re trying to lose weight or keep off extra pounds, can diet soda help? While it has fewer calories than regular soda, some studies show it fuels your sweet tooth.

Also, are artificially sweetened sodas good for your health? Several studies this year continue the debate.

Better Than Water?

In late May, the journal Obesity published a study that aimed to determine what makes a bigger difference when attempting to shed pounds: water or diet soda? The researchers found that, on average, people who drank diet soda over the course of the 12-week study lost about 13 pounds, which was 4.5 pounds more than those who had switched to water. The diet-beverage drinkers also said they felt less hungry than those who drank water.

Lead researcher James Hill, MD, says his study’s results will ease the minds of diet soda drinkers who worry that it may derail their weight loss efforts, as some studies and media reports have suggested.

“The results make me confident that, at least when it comes to weight, it [diet soda] is OK,” says Hill, a professor of pediatrics and medicine and an obesity specialist at the University of Colorado, Denver.  “It’s one less thing people have to worry about, and they have to worry about so much when it comes to weight loss.”

The study was funded by the American Beverage Association, and for some, that raises the question of bias in favor of no-cal sodas.

Michael Goran, MD, says the study outcomes were solid and the research findings were significant. “But industry-funded studies always send up a red flag,” he says. Goran is a professor of preventive medicine, physiology and biophysics, and pediatrics, as well as director of the Childhood Obesity Research Center, at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine.

Hill says the study was thoroughly vetted by a peer-review process prior to publication. “If you’re worried about industry-funded research, look at the study with a very fine-toothed comb,” he says, “but, at the end of the day, evaluate the science.”

Counting Calories

Earlier this year, in January, researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health reported that overweight and obese people who drink diet sodas tend to eat more calories during meals and from snacks throughout the day than those who drink sugary beverages, including regular soda. In adults with a healthy weight, the opposite was true: Those who drank sweetened beverages ate more than those who drank diet sodas.

Contrast this with a study published last year in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. It compared people who were randomly selected to swap their regular sodas for either water or diet drinks. The researchers found that both groups ate fewer calories and “showed positive changes in dietary patterns.” In fact, the diet-drink group ate fewer desserts by the end of the study than the water group, while the water group ate more fruits and vegetables.

“Diet beverages have been shown to be an effective tool as part of an overall weight-management plan,” the American Beverage Association says. “Numerous studies have repeatedly demonstrated the benefits of diet beverages – as well as low-calorie sweeteners, which are in thousands of foods and beverages – in helping to reduce calorie intake. Losing or maintaining weight comes down to balancing the total calories consumed with those burned through physical activity.”

So, do diet drinks ease the urge for other sweets? Goran believes the opposite may be true. He worries that no matter what sweetener is used — sugar or a substitute — the result may be a continued demand for more sweets.

“As a society, we have created a new norm of sweetness,” Goran says. “We’ve become accustomed to high levels of sweetness.”

By continuing to drink diet sodas, he speculates, “you still desire sweetness. You haven’t disentangled yourself from craving something sweet.”

Hill counters that the sweetness in diet soda may work to your advantage.

“People like a sweet taste, and if you take it away from beverages, then they’ll probably consume more sweet calories from food,” he says. “But that’s just a speculation.”

As a pediatrician, Goran’s particularly concerned about artificial sweeteners. He says we don’t yet know what long-term effects they may have on children’s development. Other studies also raise concerns.

Findings presented at a March meeting of the American College of Cardiology suggest a link between drinking diet soda and a greater risk of heart attack among otherwise healthy, postmenopausal women. The researchers are quick to point out, though, that they can’t explain the relationship and more study is needed.

Finally, a study in the journal General Dentistry from May of last year contends that drinking a lot of soda — both diet and regular — can severely damage teeth. But in this case, it’s not the sweetener that’s the culprit. The acid in the soda, coupled with bad oral hygiene, caused the decay.

To Drink or Not to Drink Diet Soda?

Goran says diet soda may be a good first step in the weight loss process, if you already drink a lot of regular soda or other sugary drinks. Dietician Joan Salge Blake, RD, LDN, agrees.

“They don’t cause weight gain, but we don’t know yet if they really help with weight loss,” says Blake, who’s a clinical associate professor of nutrition at Boston University. “They can be a part of a weight loss program, but they are not going to magically help you lose weight.”

Goran and Blake advise soda drinkers to gradually move away from sweetened beverages altogether. Blake recommends naturally flavored, no-calorie fizzy water. Goran says his kids like their lemonade heavily watered down with seltzer.

“Ultimately,” Goran says, “it’s probably healthier not to drink sweetened beverages.”



“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.  

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.  

                                                                                                                                                                                          Cordially Yours,                                                                                       Captain Q.






Which ring do you reside?

Which ring do you reside?


Do we need say more!
Need we say more!


Terrace of the sloth: Virgil on principles of love and free will, penance of slothful` Creator: Botticelli, Sandro Date: c.1480-c.1495 


Secular Saint of The Medieval Mind and author of “The Divine Comedy,” Saint Dante Alighieri


Our Secular Patron Saint of Journalistic Writing Saint H. L. Mencken



What does Dante’s inferno will have to do with a health for fatties and fatsoes column? Let us think dear readers, gluttony, and sloth are disordered orientations of the human condition. These two orientations lead us to become fat, sloppy, lazy slugabeds and layabouts. Engaging in these deleterious habits will only lead to physical ruination. Would you like a heart bypass the age of 40? Alternatively, a bed that does absolutely everything for you with the only caveat that you cannot get out of bed; this is not a life. It is truly time to think soberly about this if you are in a 3X or larger. In addition, what about lung capacity; one does need to breath. Do you find yourself short of breath just walking up or down the house stairs or pushing the gas lawn mower one swath across your lawn? If your answer is yes to either, of the above, you are seriously in store for an enlarged heart and oxygen tank to supply pure oxygen making up for the inability to take in a sufficient quantity of air; related to the restriction of the diaphragm to expand fully because of the fatty organs pressing against it.


The Captain believes that you the reader will benefit from reading these articles in their entirety. The Captain shall dispel misinformation that is frequently disseminated by many in the MFP community. We must always remain vigilant ‘peruigil’!

The Good Captain found the following two articles of especial  interest. He is giddy with wild excitement to pass them on. The first topic below explains what are ketosis and the process of ketosis. There have been many questions concerning ketosis From the MFP members so here in all its Glory is the proper explanation.

The second article deals with restricted calorie counts and the health benefits derived from taking such an approach.   The Captain believes that you the reader will benefit from reading these articles in their entirety. The captain hopes to dispel misinformation that is frequently disseminated in the MFP. We must always remain vigilant ‘peruigil’!  




The energetic requirements of a body are composed of the basal metabolic rate and the physical activity level. This caloric requirement can be met with protein, fat, carbohydrates, or a mixture of them. Glucose is the general metabolic fuel, which can be metabolized by any cell. Fructose and some other nutrients can only be metabolized in the liver, where their metabolites are transformed either into glucose and stored as glycogen, both in the liver and in the muscles; or into fatty acids which are stored in adipose tissue.   Because of the blood–brain barrier, getting nutrients to the human brain is especially dependent on molecules that can pass this barrier. The brain itself consumes about 18% of the basal metabolic rate: on a total intake of 1800 kcal/day, this equates to 324 kcal, or about 80 g of glucose. About 25% of total body glucose consumption occurs in the brain.   Glucose can be obtained directly from dietary sugars and by the breakdown of other carbohydrates. In the absence of dietary sugars and carbohydrates, glucose is obtained from the breakdown of stored glycogen. Glycogen is a readily accessible storage form of glucose, stored in notable quantities in the liver and in small quantities in the muscles. The body’s glycogen reserve is enough to provide glucose for about 24 hours. [citation needed]   When the glycogen reserve is depleted, glucose can be obtained from the breakdown of fats from adipose tissue. Fats are broken down into glycerol and free fatty acids, with the glycerol being utilized in the liver as a substrate for gluconeogenesis.   When even the glycerol reserves are depleted, or sooner, the liver will start producing ketone bodies. Ketone bodies are short-chain derivatives of fatty acids, which, since they are capable of crossing the blood–brain barrier, can be used by the brain as an alternative metabolic fuel. Fatty acids can be used directly as an energy source by most tissues in the body.   Timeline After the exhaustion of the glycogen reserve, and for the next 2–3 days, fatty acids are the principal metabolic fuel. At first, the brain continues to use glucose, because, if a non-brain tissue is using fatty acids as its metabolic fuel, the use of glucose in the same tissue is switched off. Thus, when fatty acids are being broken down for energy, all of the remaining glucose is made available for use by the brain.   After 2 or 3 days of fasting, the liver begins to synthesize ketone bodies from precursors obtained from fatty acid breakdown. The brain uses these ketone bodies as fuel, thus cutting its requirement for glucose. After fasting for 3 days, the brain gets 30% of its energy from ketone bodies. After 40 days, this goes up to 75%. [6]   Thus, the production of ketone bodies cuts the brain’s glucose requirement from 80 g per day to about 30 g per day. Of the remaining 30 g requirement, 20 g per day can be produced by the liver from glycerol (itself a product of fat breakdown). However, this still leaves a deficit of about 10 g of glucose per day that must be supplied from some other source. This other source will be the body’s own proteins.   After several days of fasting, all cells in the body begin to break down protein. This releases amino acids into the bloodstream, which can be converted into glucose by the liver. Since much of our muscle mass is protein, this phenomenon is responsible for the wasting away of muscle mass seen in starvation.   However, the body is able to selectively decide which cells will break down protein and which will not. About 2–3 g of protein has to be broken down to synthesize 1 g of glucose; about 20–30 g of protein is broken down each day to make 10 g of glucose to keep the brain alive. However, this number may decrease the longer the fasting period is continued in order to conserve protein.   Starvation ensues when the fat reserves are completely exhausted and protein is the only fuel source available to the body. Thus, after periods of starvation, the loss of body protein affects the function of important organs, and death results, even if there are still fat reserves left unused. (In a leaner person, the fat reserves are depleted earlier, the protein depletion occurs sooner, and therefore death occurs sooner.)   The ultimate cause of death is, in general, cardiac arrhythmia or cardiac arrest brought on by tissue degradation and electrolyte imbalances.   Timeline 0 hours: Glucose still used as primary fuel.   0 – 6 hours: Glycogen is broken down to produce glucose for the body.   6 – 72 hours: Glycogen stores are used up and the body breaks down fatty acids. Ketone bodies are produced as energy for the brain.   The body’s rate of protein loss is greatest during the first 72 hours. After several days of starvation, the body adapts and starts to conserve protein. [7]   Biochemistry The human starvation response is unique among animals in that human brains do not require the ingestion of glucose to function. During starvation, less than half the energy used by the brain comes from metabolized glucose. Because the human brain can use ketone bodies as major fuel sources, the body is not forced to break down skeletal muscles at a high rate, thereby maintaining both cognitive function and mobility for up to several weeks. This response is extremely important in human evolution and allowed for humans to continue to find food effectively even in the face of prolonged starvation. [8]   Initially, the level of insulin in circulation drops and the levels of glucagon, epinephrine, and norepinephrine rise. [9] At this time, there is an up-regulation of glycogenolysis, gluconeogenesis, lipolysis, and ketogenesis. The body’s glycogen stores are consumed in about 24 hours. In a normal 70 kg adult, only about 8,000 kilojoules of glycogen are stored in the body (mostly in the striated muscles).The body also engages in gluconeogenesis in order to convert glycerol and glucogenic amino acids into glucose for metabolism. Another adaptation is the Cori cycle, which involves shuttling lipid-derived energy in glucose to peripheral glycolytic tissues, which in turn send the lactate back to the liver for resynthesis to glucose. Because of these processes, blood glucose levels will remain relatively stable during prolonged starvation.   However, the main source of energy during prolonged starvation is derived from triglycerides. Compared to the 8,000 kilojoules of stored glycogen, lipid fuels are much richer in energy content, and a 70 kg adult will store over 400,000 kilojoules of triglycerides (mostly in adipose tissue).[10] Triglycerides are broken down to fatty acids via lipolysis. Epinephrine precipitates lipolysis by activating protein kinase A, which phosphorylates hormone sensitive lipase (HSL) and perilipin. These enzymes, along with CGI-58 and adipose triglyeride lipase (ATGL), complex at the surface of lipid droplets. The concerted action of ATGL and HSL liberates the first two fatty acids. Cellular monoacylglycerol lipase (MGL) liberates the final fatty acid. The remaining glycerol enters gluconeogenesis. [11]   Fatty acids by themselves cannot be used as a direct fuel source. They must first undergo beta-oxidation in the mitochondria (mostly of skeletal muscle, cardiac muscle, and liver cells). Fatty acids are transported into the mitochondria as an acyl-carnitine via the action of the enzyme CAT-1. This step controls the metabolic flux of beta-oxidation. The resulting acetyl-CoA enters the TCA cycle and undergoes oxidative phosphorylation to produce ATP. Some of this ATP is invested in gluconeogenesis in order to produce more glucose. [12]   Triglycerides and long-chain fatty acids are too hydrophobic to cross into brain cells, so the liver must convert them into short-chain fatty acids and ketone bodies through ketogenesis. The resulting ketone bodies, acetoacetate and β-hydroxybutyrate, are amphipathic and can be transported into the brain (and muscles) and broken down into acetyl-CoA for use in the TCA cycle. Acetoacetate breaks down spontaneously into acetone, and the acetone is released through the urine and lungs to produce the “acetone breath” that accompanies prolonged fasting. The brain also uses glucose during starvation, but most of the body’s glucose is allocated to the skeletal muscles and red blood cells. The cost of the brain using too much glucose is muscle loss. If the brain and muscles relied entirely on glucose, the body would lose 50% of its nitrogen content in 8–10 days. [13]   After prolonged fasting, the body begins to degrade its own skeletal muscle. In order to keep the brain functioning, gluconeogenesis will continue to generate glucose, but glucogenic amino acids, primarily alanine, are required. These come from the skeletal muscle. Late in starvation, when blood ketone levels reach 5-7 mM, ketone use in the brain rises, while ketone use in muscles drops.[14]   Autophagy then occurs at an accelerated rate. In autophagy, cells will cannibalize critical molecules to produce amino acids for gluconeogenesis. This process distorts the structure of the cells, and a common cause of death in starvation is due to diaphragm failure from prolonged autophagy. [15]

  1. ^Adapted from Wang et al. 2006, p 223.
  2. ^Dieting and Metabolism
  3. ^Therapeutic Fasting
  4. Ask an Expert: Fasting and starvation mode^
  5. ^
  6. ^ J. Coffee, Quick Look: Metabolism, Hayes Barton Press, Dec 1, 2004, p.169
  7. ^
  8. ^Cahill, GF and Veech, RL (2003) Ketoacids? Good Medicine?, Trans Am Clin Clim Assoc, 114, 149-163.
  9. ^Zauner, C., Schneeweiss, B., Kranz, A., Madl, C., Ratheiser, K., Kramer, L., … & Lenz, K. (2000). Resting energy expenditure in short-term starvation is increased because of an increase in serum norepinephrine. The American journal of clinical nutrition, 71(6), 1511-1515.
  10. ^Clark, Nancy. Nancy Clark’s Sports Nutrition Guidebook. Champaign, IL: Human Kinetics, 2008. pg. 111
  11. ^
  12. ^Zechner, R, Kienesberger, PC, Haemmerle, G, Zimmermann, R and Lass, A (2009) Adipose triglyceride lipase and the lipolytic catabolism of cellular fat stores, J Lipid Res, 50, 3-21
  13. ^McCue, MD (2010) Starvation physiology: reviewing the different strategies animals use to survive a common challenge, Comp Biochem Physiol, 156, 1-18
  14. ^
  15. ^




Effects on humans

Positive effects Biomarkers for cardiovascular risk In 2004, Fontana et al. published data from a study of 18 individuals who had been on CR for an average of 6 years and 18 age-matched healthy individuals on typical American diets. The study took one set of measurements of risk factors for atherosclerosis from each group and compared them and found that “it appears that long-term CR has a powerful protective effect against atherosclerosis.”[11] The study noted that the high quality diets consumed by the CR practitioners may be responsible for some of these beneficial effects.[11]   Data from the NIA-funded CALERIE phase 1 randomized clinical trials show that 20% CR for 12 months in overweight individuals results in a significant reduction in visceral fat mass, LDL-cholesterol, triglycerides, and C-reactive protein, and improves insulin sensitivity.[12]   Biomarkers for cancer risk Long-term CR in humans results in a reduction of several metabolic and hormonal factors that have been associated with increased risk of some of the most common types of cancer in developed countries.[13] Individuals practicing CR without malnutrition have lower levels of total and abdominal fat, circulating insulin, testosterone, estradiol and inflammatory citokines.[14][15][16] However, unlike in rodents, long-term CR does not reduce serum IGF-1 levels in humans, unless protein intake is also reduced.[17][18]   Negative effects The long-term effects of moderate CR with adequate intake of nutrients on humans are still unknown.[19] However, severe or extreme CR may result in serious deleterious effects, as it has been shown in the “Minnesota Starvation Experiment”.[20] This study was conducted during World War II on a group of lean men, who restricted their calorie intake by 45% for 6 months.[20] As expected, this severe degree of CR resulted in many positive metabolic adaptations (e.g. decreased body fat, blood pressure, improved lipid profile, low serum T3 concentration, and decreased resting heart rate and whole-body resting energy expenditure), but also caused a wide range of negative effects, such as anemia, lower extremity edema, muscle wasting, weakness, neurological deficits, dizziness, irritability, lethargy, and depression.[20]   Musculoskeletal losses Short-term studies in humans report loss of muscle mass and strength and reduced bone mineral density.[21] This is to be expected as part of the weight loss that accompanies CR. Beyond using lean tissue as an energy source, the presence of catabolic hormones, such as cortisol, and the lack of anabolic ones, such as insulin, disrupts protein synthesis, amino acid uptake, and immune response.   People who lose weight as a result of CR but who are sedentary have a reduced capacity to perform exercise compared with those who lost similar amounts of weight from exercise alone,[22] emphasizing the need for strength training in CR practitioners.   A study of long-term CR practitioners “who had been eating a CR diet (approximately 35% less calories than controls) for an average of 6.8 ± 5.2 years (mean age 52.7 ± 10.3 years)” found that they had reduced bone mineral density at the level of hip and spine, in accordance with a previous one-year weight-loss trial,[23] but that after initial weight loss they had achieved a stable, normal level of bone turnover and that the micro architectural structure of their bones was healthy; the researchers concluded that “These findings suggest that markedly reduced BMD is not associated with significantly reduced bone quality in middle-aged men and women practicing long-term calorie restriction with adequate nutrition.”[24] Some specialists say that minor mineral losses can be minimized with regular physical activity and vitamin D and calcium supplements.[25]   Similarly, despite acute reductions in muscle mass at onset, CR retards the age-related loss of muscle structure and function (sarcopenia) in nonhuman primates[26][27] and rodents;[28][29] however, no longitudinal data are available on this subject in humans.   The authors of a 2007 review of the CR literature warned that “[i]t is possible that even moderate calorie restriction may be harmful in specific patient populations, such as lean persons who have minimal amounts of body fat.”[30]   Low BMI, high mortality CR diets typically lead to reduced body weight, and in some studies, low body weight has been associated with increased mortality, particularly in late middle-aged or elderly subjects. One of the more famous of such studies linked a body mass index (BMI) lower than 18 in women with increased mortality from noncancer, non−cardiovascular disease causes.[31] The authors attempted to adjust for confounding factors (cigarette smoking, failure to exclude pre-existing disease); others argued that the adjustments were inadequate.[32]   “epidemiologists from the ACS (American Cancer Society), American Heart Association, Harvard School of Public Health, and other organizations raised specific methodologic questions about the recent Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) study and presented analyses of other data sets. The main concern … is that it did not adequately account for weight loss from serious illnesses such as cancer and heart disease … [and] failed to account adequately for the effect of smoking on weight … As a result, the Flegal study underestimated the risks from obesity and overestimated the risks of leanness.”[33] While low body weight in the elderly can be caused by conditions associated with aging (such as cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder, or depression) or of the cachexia (wasting syndrome) and sarcopenia (loss of muscle mass, structure, and function),[34] the results of a large epidemiological study published in the fall of 2011 show that among the Japanese, an association between a BMI under 21 (under 65 kg for a 1.75 m tall individual (or in imperial units, under 140 lb. for a 5′-9” tall individual)) and increased mortality persists even when confounders like age, smoking, and disease are carefully controlled for.[35]   Such epidemiological studies of body weight are not about CR as used in anti-aging studies; they are not about caloric intake to begin with, as body weight is influenced by many factors other than energy intake. Moreover, “the quality of the diets consumed by the low-BMI individuals are difficult to assess, and may lack nutrients important to longevity.” [19] Typical low-calorie diets rarely provide the high nutrient intakes that are a necessary feature of an anti-aging calorie restriction diet.[36][37][38] As well, “The lower-weight individuals in the studies are not CR because their caloric intake reflects their individual ad libitum set-points, and not a reduction from that set-point.” [19]   Triggering eating disorders Concerns are sometimes raised that CR can make people feel hungry all the time and may lead to obsessing about food, causing eating disorders.[22] However, a controlled study of human CR found no increase in eating disorder symptoms or other harmful psychological effects, in line with extensive earlier research.[39] In those who already suffer from a binge-eating disorder, calorie restriction can precipitate an episode of binge eating, but it does not seem to pose any such risk otherwise.[40]   Not for the young or those seeking to become pregnant Long-term calorie restriction at a level sufficient for slowing the aging process is generally not recommended in children, adolescents, and young adults (under the age of approximately 21), because this type of diet may interfere with natural physical growth, as has been observed in laboratory animals. In addition, mental development and physical changes to the brain take place in late adolescence and early adulthood that could be negatively affected by severe calorie restriction.[41] Pregnant women and women trying to become pregnant are advised not to practice calorie restriction, because low BMI may result in ovulatory dysfunction (infertility), and underweight mothers are more prone to preterm delivery.[41]   Miscellaneous concerns It has also been noted that people losing weight on such diets risk developing cold sensitivity, menstrual irregularities, and even infertility and hormonal changes.[42]   Moreover, calorie restriction has been reported in mice to hinder their ability to fight infection, and some evidence suggests that in patients with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, calorie restriction accelerates the onset of the disease.[43]   Excessive calorie restriction may result in starvation.   Effects of CR on life span in different organisms Primates A study on rhesus macaques funded by the National Institute on Aging was started in 1989 at the University of Wisconsin–Madison and is still ongoing. Monkeys were enrolled in the study at ages of between 7 and 14 years. Preliminary results published in 2000 showed lower fasting insulin and glucose levels as well as higher insulin sensitivity and LDL profiles, associated with lower risk of atherogenesis in dietary-restricted animals.[44] CR also attenuated age-related loss of muscle mass and function (sarcopenia) in these primates.[26][27] Results published in 2009 showed that caloric restriction in rhesus monkeys blunts aging and significantly delays the onset of age-related disorders such as cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and brain atrophy. 80% of the calorie-restricted monkeys were still alive, compared to only half of the controls.[45] [46] Results to date have also found a trend toward a reduced overall death rate, which has not yet reached statistical significance. An additional analysis, restricted to causes of death related to aging, did find a significant reduction in age-related deaths. However, the interpretation of this finding is uncertain, as it is hypothetically possible that the exclusion of deaths due to non-aging causes may somehow mask an involvement of CR in such deaths, although the sample size is too low to say for certain.[1][3] A study published in 2011 examined the effect of stress on various brain functions in these monkeys.[47] In the control group, stress reactivity was associated with less volume and tissue density in areas important for emotional regulation and the endocrine axis, including prefrontal cortices, hippocampus, amygdala, and hypothalamus. CR reduced these relationships.   In contrast to the conclusions reached by the University of Wisconsin–Madison (WNPRC) study, a 2012 National Institute on Aging (NIA) study published in the journal Nature, concluded that a calorie restriction regimen did not improve survival outcomes whether implemented in young or older age rhesus monkeys.[48] A key difference between the WNPRC and the NIA studies is that the monkeys in the WNPRC study were fed a more unhealthy diet.[49]   In 2006, researchers at New York’s Mount Sinai School of Medicine reported results comparing the brains of 3 monkeys fed a normal diet and 3 monkeys on a CR diet for their entire lives. The normal diet group “consisted of three male Squirrel monkeys (20–27 years old), who died from congestive heart failure, liver failure or complications of intestinal bleeding, respectively; the weight at the time of death of the CON group ranged 526–866 g. The CR group consisted of 3 male Squirrel monkeys (15–20 years old) on CR diet for 14 to 18 years, who died from inanition, complications of bleeding or by complications from liver necrosis, respectively; the weight at the time of death of CR group ranged 526–813.”[50] The squirrel monkeys on a lifelong calorie-restrictive diet were less likely to develop Alzheimer’s-like changes in their brains.[50] Notes

  1. ^ ab c d e
  2. ^
  3. ab c
  4. ^
  5. ^
  6. ^The Anti-Aging Plan: Strategies and Recipes for Extending Your Healthy Years by Roy Walford (page 26)
  7. ^Cava E et al. humans? Aging (Albany NY).2013 Jul;5(7):507-14.
  8. ^Rickman AD et al. The CALERIE Study: Design and methods of an innovative 25% caloric restriction interventionContemp Clin Trials. 2011 November; 32(6): 874–881.
  9. ^
  10. ^
  11. ab
  12. ^Fontana L, et al. Calorie restriction or exercise: effects on coronary heart disease risk factors. A randomized, controlled trial. Am J Physiol Endocrinol Metab. 2007 Jul;293(1):E197-202
  13. ^Calle EE, Kaaks R. Overweight, obesity and cancer: epidemiological evidence and proposed mechanisms. Nat Rev Cancer. 2004 Aug;4(8):579-91
  14. ^Cangemi R, Friedmann AJ, Holloszy JO, Fontana L. Long-term effects of calorie restriction on serum sex-hormone concentrations in men. Aging Cell. 2010 Apr;9(2):236-42
  15. ^Fontana L, Klein S, Holloszy JO. Effects of long-term calorie restriction and endurance exercise on glucose tolerance, insulin action, and adipokine production. Age (Dordr). 2010 Mar;32(1):97-108
  16. ^Meyer TE, Kovács SJ, Ehsani AA, Klein S, Holloszy JO, Fontana L. Long-term caloric restriction ameliorates the decline in diastolic function in humans. J Am Coll Cardiol. 2006 Jan 17;47(2):398-402
  17. ^
  18. ^Redman LM, Veldhuis JD, Rood J, Smith SR, Williamson D, Ravussin E; Pennington CALERIE Team. The effect of caloric restriction interventions on growth hormone secretion in nonobese men and women. Aging Cell. 2010 Feb;9(1):32-9.
  19. ab c
  20. ab c Keys A, Brozek J, Henschels A & Mickelsen O & Taylor H. The Biology of Human Starvation, 1950, Vol. 2, p. 1133. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis
  21. ^
  22. ab
  23. ^
  24. ^
  25. ^
  26. ab c d
  27. ab c
  28. ab c
  29. ab c
  30. ^
  31. ^
  32. ^
  33. ^
  34. ^
  35. ^
  36. ^
  37. ^
  38. ^
  39. ^
  40. ^
  41. ab
  42. ^
  43. ^
  44. ^
  45. ^
  46. ab Reduced Diet Thwarts Aging, Disease In MonkeysScience Daily, July 10, 2009
  47. ^
  48. ^
  49. ^Calorie restriction falters in the long run Nature News, August 29, 2012
  50. ^ ab

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.  

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.  

                                                                                                                       Cordially Yours,                                                                                                                          Captain Q.



Good Day Fellow Travelers:

Thus begins the  “The Fat Bastard Gazette.”

“Why so fat?” Do all the fatties  (i.e. hereafter considered the female gender) and fatsos  (i.e. hereafter considered the male gender) realize the social as well as physical implications of their more often than not self-inflicted, pathetic condition? The esteemed Captain certainly does. Let us enumerate only a few of the vast plethora of conditions and inconveniences point by point.

Ample pulchritude for one and all.
Ample pulchritude for one and all.

Obesity survey

  • Does one really want to join the legion of the very, very, and morbidly obese?
  • Is your most fervent desire to become one of the ambulatory obese circus performers who think they should not pay more for the privilege of taking two or more seats in any public conveyances? By what right do you clowns deserve monetary privilege?
  • “You may be morbidly obese if you are more than 100 pounds over your ideal body weight; have a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 40; have a BMI over 35 and are experiencing severe negative health issues, such as high blood pressure or diabetes, related to being severely overweight; or are unable to achieve a healthy body …” (Morbidly Obese – University of South Alabama Health System).
  • Does one really want to resign oneself to a daily regimen of anti-fungal spray or cream to stave off a nasty, red, and raw fungal condition under those developing folds of fat?
  • Does one enjoy the possibility of developing nasty, nasty bedsores? Our Good Captain observing some so deep that the femur (i.e. thighbone) is exposed. More often than not one insidious consequence of morbid obesity is the dreaded or most certainly should be dreaded malady termed diabetes. One deleterious effect of this malady being extensive nerve damage; left untreated it ravages the body effecting the ability to sense pressure or discomfort, result the bedsore.
  • What is to be done about hygienic matters concerning the very, very fat? Are you the readers all aware of what awaits the morbidly obese? The infamous hospital bed bath and a long list of other repetitive, hilarious, indignities lie in wait for the clowns of obesity. The Captain as Ringmaster knows firsthand. He certainly rolled enough of the morbidly obese, usually along with two others, on their side to give the slap dash, poor excuse for a proper bath or shower, bed bath. And while at it, shoving the light mauve plastic bed pan under what appears to be the right spot for bladder relief and anal defecation, only to discover he et al. missed the sweet spot and so had to change all the bed linen while having to repeat an abbreviated bed bath. This part of the Circus Maximus entertainment taking at least 30 delightfully fun-filled minutes or more. Add to this all the oral and IV medications along with any focused assessments another 45 minutes and one has a real crowd pleaser on one’s hands.
  • Do you relish a diminished quality of life? One spent on an especially sized hospital bed with: weight sensor proportional control air mattress, automatic side-to-side turning capability to prevent prevalent nasty bedsores, built-in bed scale; automatic upper/lower body controls that allow one to assume the sitting position, and the all-important obese clown pleaser, fanfare please, the emergency deflate. All this so The Good Captain et al. can perform activities of daily living as well as advanced CPR when you present and obese clowns of the future go into cardiac arrest ; an almost guaranteed certainty as a member of the very, very fat.
  • Some inexpensive, Big Top medications released as generics frequently prescribed to treat secondary medical conditions related to morbid obesity; favorites include but are not limited to: Metoprolol (Lopressor), Doxazosin (Cardura), and not to be undone paroxetine (Paxil).


  • More common
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • convulsions
  • decreased urine
  • dry mouth
  • increased thirst
  • light-headedness, dizziness, or fainting
  • loss of appetite
  • mood changes
  • muscle pain or cramps
  • nausea or vomiting
  • numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, or lips
  • shortness of breath
  • slow or irregular heartbeat
  • unusual tiredness or weakness
  • Less common
  • Ankle, knee, or great toe joint pain
  • decreased ability to exercise
  • difficult or labored breathing
  • joint stiffness or swelling
  • lower back or side pain
  • swelling of the face, fingers, feet, or lower legs
  • tightness in the chest
  • wheezing


  • More common
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Less common
  • Blurred vision
  • confusion
  • dizziness, faintness, or lightheadedness when getting up from a lying or sitting position
  • fainting (sudden)
  • fast and pounding heartbeat
  • irregular heartbeat
  • shortness of breath
  • sweating
  • swelling of feet or lower legs
  • Rare

Painful or prolonged erection of the penis (called priapism), although extremely rare, must have immediate medical attention. If painful or prolonged erection occurs, call your doctor or go to an emergency room as soon as possible


  • More common
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Less common
  • Blurred vision
  • confusion
  • dizziness, faintness, or lightheadedness when getting up from a lying or sitting position
  • fainting (sudden)
  • fast and pounding heartbeat
  • irregular heartbeat
  • shortness of breath
  • sweating
  • swelling of feet or lower legs
  • Rare
  • Painful or prolonged erection of the penis (called priapism), although extremely rare, must have immediate medical attention. If painful or prolonged erection occurs, call your doctor or go to an emergency room as soon as possible

(Data sources include Micromedex® (updated May 6th, 2014), Cerner Multum™ (updated June 16th, 2014), Wolters Kluwer™ (updated June 12th, 2014) and others. To view content sources and attributions, refer to our editorial policy. Copyright © 2000-2014 All rights reserved)

The bold, italicized side effects are those incurred by Captain Quinlan while being medicated for morbid obesity by these very same drugs. Captain Quinlan, for the curious still reading up to this point, finally took notice at a somewhat debilitating weight of 305 lbs. or 21.8 stone; hefty baggage to drag along for a 63 yr. old slugabed, 6-foot man. This self-inflicted, unhealthful behavior did not bode well for The Dear Captain.  Big Q. has now lost 40 lbs. in one month related to vigorous cardio exercise and change in diet. He is off the Lopressor and Cardura. The Captain’s blood pressure is only 10 points above the ideal 120/80. The swelling in ankles and feet is gone.  “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son” or Captain guilty of two out of three offences (As spoken by The Venerable Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House 1978).

The Venerable Dean Vernon Wormer

The Venerable Dean Vernon Wormer


So many topics of consequence and the farcical shall not go unremarked. Remain vigilant for upcoming editions of “The Fat Bastard Gazette.” Remember dear readers, we publish or perish. A brief missive indicates to “T.F.B.G.” staff and Our Good Captain that discerning individuals and possibly a few members of the Booboisie, who could benefit greatly, are reading the Gazette. We shall also unflaggingly remain true to The Most Venerable and Illustrious Muckraker of all time, H. L. Mencken. This giant among commentators

The Most Venerable H. L. Mencken



gave us not only the benefit of his unique style, wit,  and wisdom but the most apt term in the English vernacular. What term is it you might ask? It is the term “Booboisie,” (Boob·oi·sie [boo-bwah-zee] noun – a segment of the public composed of uneducated, uncultured persons.)

As Always We Remain Cordially  Yours,                                   Captain Quinlan, the Staff, and All Hail Fellows Well Met

“The Fat Bastard Gazette” does not purport to offer any definitive medical or pharmaceutical advice whatsoever in any explicit or implied manner. Always consult a qualified physician in all medical or pharmaceutical matters. “The Fat Bastard Gazette” is only the opinion of informed nonprofessionals for the general edification and entertainment of the greater public.  

 No similarities to any existing names or characters are expressed or implied. We reserve the right to offend or support anybody, anything, or any sacred totem across the globe.